Last year, I stopped doing 24 things. Some needed to be stopped. Others were good things which I only became aware I had stopped when my life went off-track as a result.
Now I'm using them to give you small pieces of helpful advice so you can live your new year right.
So here are those things I stopped doing last year, in no particular order...
Going to the gym
Nooo...I didn’t stop working out. I just started working out at home. And it did NOT work out! You see, I am an eternal gym rat and up to now, I can’t explain what made me think I could make a success of working out at home. Well, I couldn’t wait until 2018 so I rejoined a gym in December last year. Wuhloss! Pain in every part of my body and it feels so good! Like heaven. Helpful advice: When it comes to exercising, wherever and however you do it, just do it. You need the energy to support the lifestyle you want to have.
Believing that opportunities are missed or lost
They’re not...they’re all around you. And the ones YOU didn’t take up were taken up by someone else who needed them more than you. This frees you to take up those that are just right for you. I’ll be taking up some of mine in 2018...you should take up some of yours too...
Worrying about website subscribers
I can’t believe I even started this! But the gurus always talk about getting subscribers so who am I to doubt them? But almost every time I post something on my blog, someone will contact me, and without subscribing, enquire about my services. After the “right” conversation I almost always turn them into customers. And I was worrying about subscribers instead of celebrating opportunities to serve customers! Helpful advice: subscribers and prospects are not an end in themselves. Turning them into paying customers is what matters more.
Trying to help the “unhelpable”
Somewhere in becoming Coach|Consultant|Trainer, I added IDIOT. I forgot completely that I was raised among wise women of colour who drilled in my head “You can take a cow to water but you can’t make him drink!” The wisdom of this hit me in mid-2017 when I took “many cows to water and tried to make them drink!” Helpful advice: However desperate a situation appears, you sometimes ought to wait to be asked for help instead of deciding that a person needs your help.
“Cute-naming” issues, behaviors and things
I know it’s fashionable to be politically correct. But a problem is a frigging problem which for the most part, you created. It’s not a challenge. The challenge is your coming up with a solution and that’s why you came to me. A tantrum from a child is a tantrum, it’s not a “rare and delicate display of future leadership!” What will show up in my 2018 is the absolute sensitive way I have learnt to convince people an ass by any other name...And if you’re into cute-naming, it’s time you call a spade a spade!
Holding in my belly and pretending that my abs are still washboard flat
Yoouuu...this almost took my life! I was holding in my stomach until I was breathless and the belly fat just yawned and remained where it was. So read #1 for the reason and the solution, and watch this space for photos in 2018.
Pretending that good-looking and attractive are not important
Any naturally good-looking woman who know how to upgrade that to attractive or even fabulous knows how this attracts haters like cats to sardines. So, when we're complimented, we pretend “who? Lil old me? You must be mistaken!” Well from now on, “yes me!” I work hard to be fabulous and attractive and you guys and gals had better get used to it! No more “smalling up” myself to make you comfortable. If’ you’re living at half-mast to make those around you feel comfortable, my helpful advice to you is: Stop right now!
Reading as much as I am accustomed to
This is bittersweet. I didn’t read as much as I wanted to because of all-consuming clients...
And who doesn’t need these? I’m taking my clients into 2018 but I’m also hoping to read at least 37 books instead of the just 22 in 2017. How many will you read? What matters is that you read and read widely. It’s one of the keys to your growth.
Writing as much as I used to
As this wise madman used to say when I was growing up: “to complain would be ungrateful” so just read #8 for the reason i didn't write as much as I wanted to. I have 2 half-done books on my computer and another 2 in my head...all going into 2018. But I did read about how to write a book fast. Here’s some helpful advice for you: Start writing. However unimportant you think you are, you have a story that the world wants to hear.
Waiting for businesses to give something call “service”
I had become very good at kinda ignoring them and trying to lead by example. But then my local internet and cable provider messed up and told me I couldn’t get the issue resolved anytime soon! I-completely-lost-it! I back-flipped through a straw, got my panties in a twist and bewsed every agent right through his and her entire family tree! Even though the issue was then resolved in 15 minutes or less, that behavior and language I will leave in 2017! (too Shame). Helpful advice: Try to remain gracious under all circumstances...I really thought I was!
I stopped resisting dumb in 2017. Wouldn’t you, if you did not 1, not 2 but 3 dumb pieces of “s-h-i-t” almost back-to-back?? Now I know that being dumb is not a crime but it is a severe handicap! So, the dumb things I did in 2017 remain there. I am taking forward just the lessons to 2018. Helpful Advice: Lessons are important and you should always try to extract the valuable lessons from every dumb thing you do. This does not mean you should go out and do dumb things to learn valuable lessons...
Being uncomfortable with NOT having problems
Bear with me on this one. I came from a place where I was $100,000 in debt with no way out except to hold on to my faith. Not to be braggadocious but today I am debt free and drama free but guess what? Instead of celebrating flat out, I find myself trying to fit in when friends and colleagues start talking about problems. So, I would reach into my life...and ah yes! There it is...that broken shoe heel...now I have a problem! Now I feel like I belong. I done with that! As a matter of fact, here’s some helpful advice for you: You should find out how I became debt free, recognize you can do it too and join the happy me in 2018!
Being sorry that person “X” or “Y” is no longer on my to do list
If you’re no longer on my to do list, it just means I’ve outgrown you. No offence. I’m committed to my own growth and no, you will not be part of my network in 2018. Helpful advice: don’t even try to change my mind!
Listening to music
I didn’t even realized I had stopped and I have no reason. I just came to a gradual realization that I had. And Yes, I started back immediately
Trying to do the right thing for my family
I don’t know who sent me on this one! I can only think it must have something to do with the death of Jesus Christ and my trying to fill his shoes. But several “telling-offs” by some of the recipients of my crusade in this regard forced me to beat a hasty retreat. Lucky for me, I stopped playing Saint long enough to be able to think “I told you so!” when things turned out just as I was trying to prevent. The verdict: my family comes into 2018 with me, after all, I didn’t choose them. Trying to do the right thing for them...that’s not coming!
Keeping away from joining organisations
I had pretty much mastered this. I no longer had the stomach and the patience for the
resistance to growth that exit in too many Caribbean organisation. But, in order to expand my network quickly, (fingers crossed) I joined the Barbados Small Business Association. The membership started in 2017 and I have already renewed it for 2018...watch this space!
Preventing shit from hitting fans
I thought I was doing a good job at this – both for clients and friends. But somewhere in late 2017 I realized I seemed to be using my face as the buffer between the shit and fans. Furthermore, I discovered by allowing this particular phenomenon to occur, those involved learn big life lessons. I stopped right away and I ain’t starting back. Helpful advice: It is important to allow shit to hit fans. Sometimes...
Worrying how people perceive my money status
All my adult life, people around me believed I had loads of money. All my adult life I tried to debunk this myth, to no avail. In 2017, I stopped. So now if you think I have loads of money...guess what? What you believe is true. For you...
Hesitating to share my money with friends
That was right up there with worrying about how people perceive my money status. I hesitated because I didn’t want them to think I was patronizing them and being better than they are. But more and more in 2017, I saw many instances where I could help and I stop hesitating and just helped. It was good for me and for those who received. And I will be doing more of this in 2018 and beyond. Helpful advice: Don’t be contacting me for handouts – that’s not how it works...
Travelling as much as I used to
Some of you may say “Really?” and I say yes “Really!” But that will change in 2018. You see, all my life, some client or organisation has paid for my travel, so paying for travelling for myself required a serious mindset shift. And I made it – So I will be paying to travel in 2018...along with what I will do on behalf of my new clients!
Resisting my success
I did this for years. People would introduce me as successful and hold me out as an example of a success black woman and I would always think “Who, me?” In 2017, I stopped resisting and started accepting. You would not believe how the Universe welcomed and rewarded me! So I will be celebrating my successes and my success in 2018 and forever.
Saving clothes for a special occasion
Do you do this? Acquiring really fabulous clothes which you keep for the "right" occasion? I didn’t realise how much I was doing this until my Coach/Mentor gave me my own “Hidden Holdbacks” coaching activity to do. What a laugh! Especially after working on #7! Helpful advice: You should just go first class. All the time. If you want to dress for the Opening of a Sardines Can, then go right ahead!
Negotiating with myself
Okay...you can call it procrastinating if you want. If you had asked me about this before I took my work on myself to a higher level, I wouldn’t know what you were talking about. But then I found it, ever so sophisticated it was, but it was there. So I cut it out. Done. No procrastinating. No negotiating with myself. And if you’re doing it...Helpful Advice: Stop it and watch your productivity sky-rocket!
Refusing to call out people on rude behaviour
It’s not that I was frighten or didn’t know how to communicate my feelings. The problem was, I usually didn't have any feelings about it. But I've come to realise that this only give rude and boorish people permission to repeat it again and again. So I’m warning the guilty: come round me with that behaviour in 2018! And my helpful advice to you? Don’t tolerate that type of behaviour because when all is said and done, you teach people how to treat you!
More Helpful Advice: Don’t stop here...
I have shared 24 things I stopped doing in 2017 which you can use to examine your own life and make the changes you have to.
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